Just skip this if you want to. I'm just gonna drabble on about life and my inner thoughts for a while.^_^
Today has been a very ordinary day. Nothing special to say about it at all, actually. I've had this empty intense craving for something special, as so many times before, that I just seem to be able to satisfy no mater what.
Some of you (or most of you) probably don't know what I'm talking about, but for me it's a rather common sensation that I get once in a while, so I'm really used to it.
It started several years ago, when I started drifting away from being a little kid playing in the woods and computers started to become a bigger part of my life. Whenever I was bored I just turned on the computer and was satisfied for hours to come. But some days it just wouldn't do. I tried everything, every game but nothing seemed fun. It only last about a day, but those days seem extremely long.
Then I got older, the craving still came and went occasionally and I started discovering new things, like shopping. So now when that craving started I first tried to amuse myself, but as usual it didn't last for long. So I started to think that maybe I should do some shopping (never a good idea). But this feeling is so intense, I mean it's not painful in any way it's just that you get so extreeeeemely bored that you don't know what to do with yourself, so you start to try anything to satisfy it. You start searching through your deepest thoughts to se if you might be able to locate that thing that you so desperately want. and this is exactly were I've been wrong all these years, searching for a thing, a material thing, because that's how our society are built. We thinks that everything revolves around money and stuff. And usually while trying to find the source of this craving I used to eat a lot of candy and snacks (how could I know, maybe I really, REALLY wanted a cake)XP and spend some money on things that I don't really need.
These last months I've been away from home, working as an au pair in another country, and because of that I can't keep on buying to much stuff because there's no way for me to bring it back home (and apart from that I don't have to much money to spend). So all I had left was the computer, but I live with four children who are almost as fond of sitting by the computer as me, so in the afternoons there's no way for me to access any computer, so I've been forced to try different things to keep me away from boredom.
Today, like I said, was one of these days when my whole body screamed at me that I desperately needed something, but as usually it couldn't be bothered to tell me what. So I've been hanging around the house trying to figure out what to do. It's been a wonderful weather here these past days, and today was no exception, but I'm not much for sitting outside in the sun, since it gets to hot for me. But I love the evenings. So I thought that I would be a waste not to be outside at all on such a beautiful day so in the evening I went out and sat down on the brick wall that surrounds the garden, and just sat there, watching the planes drive by and the sun set. Just like when I was little and used to sit by myself in a remote part of the school yard, were nobody could see me, and just be. And suddenly the craving had stopped. I finally managed to satisfy it! Then it hit me this very evening why I had this empty craving that I couldn't track down to one special thing, it was because what I wanted wasn't a material thing, or even to do a certain activity. No, what I desperately needed was some peace and quiet, and some fresh air to clean out my head. People are so stuck with the idea of constantly having new things and sensations these day, that we (at least not me) never satisfy our need to some peace and quiet, to not brood over things, and to just enjoy life.
But of course since I've figured this out, from now on that craving probably will be for something else, because: "THAT'S LIFE!"
If you've read through all this I can't say anything other than. "Thank you for putting up with me being so dry, boring and deep. It probably will happen again if I manage to figure out more of me personal secrets." XP See ya!!